Bob wants you to slack off 
 
Bob Dobbs, ladies and gentlemen. Leader, lover, founder of the Church of the SubGenius. Gaze upon his eager visage and know true slack. Woe upon all fropheads and pink boys, for Bob knows where they keep their supply of tinned meats. When the aliens come, and come they will, mark my words and tremble, only those who know Bob's words of wisdom will be spared. We were wrong about the date, granted, but they're bound to get here eventually. Probably just got side-tracked at a Stuckey's or something. You know these extraterrestrials. If you have slack, you'll be spared. Trust me. I only hurt you to help you. Generally at least. Sometimes I just get carried away.
What is slack? Well, in a nutshell, slack means something for nothing, and we all want that. It's making sure you have the luxury to sit on your arse and still have everything handed to you on a platter. You know what it is. You know you want it. So go get it. Damned if I'll give you mine. It isn't the SubGenius way. No sir. 
BACK
 
Yeppers, I buy the whole SubGenius route, I'm even an ordained minister, and have been for many a year. While my belief in ghuds may have waned, I know damn well that everything Bob tells me is a lie, so I can always rely on him, by golly. 


Don't forget, Bob wants you to have sex . Lots of it. Watch the saiyans obey Bob's whims. THEY know what Bob decrees.

  THE SUB GENIUS MOTTO is "FUCK 'EM IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A JOKE." 
Remember, Bob is quite the fellow and his very image alone is copyrighted for his own protection by the SubGenius Foundation and the Church of the SubGenius. They get the money. All of it, the bastards. After all I've done for them... sleepless nights, pacing the floor, wondering if they were alive or dead, dreading the usual knock at the door followed by a grilling on their whereabouts by MIB, but I have hung on, hoping for a mere morsel of recognition..... But nonetheless, we must praise Bob, and praise the Church for getting money, as that is its function. So. Good night, Gracie. 
Go read Bob's words.  They'll comfort you or scare the shit out of you. Either way, you'll be out of my hair.