New
from Billcotm!
Low quality products
of a questionable nature from us to you from ours to yours and so on!
All kiddies luv their Unca Bill, but have been
saddened by the lack of products to purchase with their parent's hard earned
peanuts. With that in mind, we, the hard working monkeys here at Dr Benway's
newest venture, BillCo(TM), proudly bring you the following items for your
perusal while you enjoy the sights here in the Interzone...
Click images for better view. With
apologies to William Seward Burroughs, who probably doesn't care.
EAT WITH UNCA
BILL...
 |
Everyone should eat lunch with Unca Bill. But he's dead, so this is
as close as you can get. Yes, pack a nice snackrel of morsels up
in your Unca Bill Cut Up lunch box and go to the park for some fun!
Of course, if you're a junkie like Unca Bill, then you won't be really
hungry. So put your kit in there. The heat will never look for syringes
in a lunch box, no sir. Each side of the box is decorated with the visage
of Bill. Lo, see him in his mighty heyday, read the cut up words of wisdom
that may or may not have passed forth from his lips. |
|
...PLAY
WITH UNCA BILL
|
Once you've packed away a healthy snack (or copped a decent buzz, who
are we to say) you'll want to commune with WSB a little more. That's why
you'll want to buy this doll of him too! Yes, your own Burroughs'
action figure, equipped with a gun (just in case), some pounds to make
his next score and a watch, so you can know how long you were out. Posable,
but flat. What do you expect in a depressed market? Besides, as stated
previously, he's dead. That makes you flat. Even in this two dimensional
state, WSB has more substance than most tv celebs, you have to admit.... |
TALK WITH UNCA
BILL...
| We've mentioned several times that Unca Bill has passed
from this veil. Yes, he's singing with the choir eternal whilst pushing
up daisies. But that doesn't mean you can't talk with him! Oh no, on a
dark and gloomy night, wrap yourself in swishy silk scarves and light some
candles. Then whip out your trusty Unca Bill Ouija board, made with the
beatnik in mind. It's funky, it's fucked up and it's fairly simple to operate
unless you have the shakes, in which case you may think WSB has developed
a stutter. But worry not, it's you. It always has been. Anyhoo, just place
you pinkies on the planchette and let Bill make your fingers do the talking.
And if he starts the conversation off with "Fuck you", you can rest assured
the interview is over. Go to bed. |
|
Now
go buy,
buy,buy!Unca
Bill would want you to!
And Dr Benway
needs a new pair of shoes....
(None of these items are actually for sale. Unless you really *want*
a doll, in which case write me. I'd want postage and a buck to buy the
charms, but that's about it. If you read this far, congrats. You win a
kewpie doll or something. Anything off the top shelf there. Feel free to
print out the ouija board and play with it. Just don't come snivelling
to me if you manage to dredge up C'thulu or something...)
HOME
Any easily offended sanctimonious William S Burroughs
fans who are indeed offended, write your congressman. It's his job to care,
not mine.
