clowns

CLOWNS

Minions of Evil or Waste of Flesh?
I don't like clowns. Clowns are sad, pathetic creatures who are so scary in real life they think covering their hideous nature with greasepaint will make them more approachable. Well, it doesn't. They'll vile, evil and abominations in the eyes of yours truly. The only thing lower than a clown (aside from a politician) is a mime. Mimes can't even attempt to be funny, like the poor simple clown. They think they're artistic. Mimes pretend to be stuck in invisible boxes. That isn't artistic, it's retarded, and so are mimes. And I mean no offence to people with mental challenges, as they are aeons above mimes, clowns and politicians. Do I have coulraphobia, the fear of clowns? No, because such lower animals are to be hunted down and eaten, not feared. Fear is for something that is your equal or superior, and typically a clown is neither.

KNOW YOUR ENEMY
These are clowns, and their types. Memorize their gaily painted faces. Only by truly being able to spot the dangerous ones, will you have a chance of survival in case of a clown attack. They can turn on you like a mad dog, y'know.

ANIMAL ABUSERS
Now, as proof of their treacherous, evil ways, look at them assault animals. Yes, helpless creatures which they ply and even degrade by dressing them in their own sick fashion..... Vile, eh?

CHILD MOLESTERS
And then look upon the psychically scarred faces of these poor youths, forced to dress as clowns by their cruel parents! Oh the infamy, the shame! If they grow up to become clowns, who is truly to blame?

GIMP TORTURERS
Clowns go to hospitals to hassle their captive audiences. Sick bastards.

THE CLOWN AS CARTOON
And here, for you edification are cartoon renderings of clowns, so you can note how they attempt to perpetrate the kind, friendly, harmless clown image to an unsuspecting populace. Put them all over your website. To run off the wussies...

A WARNING
Here though, is the clown to be actually feared. For he has admitted his true nature and is even capitalizing on it! You must be wary of a clown once they give up the facade of civility. They claim their power and wield it accordingly. They are the next step in clown evolution. The socio-pathic Uber Clowns.

John Wayne Gacy Jr. - naughtiest and most dangerous of the Uber Clowns. Especially if you're a tasty youngster...

Ouchy the clown. Adult entertainer, DJ, marriage counsellor. Ready to beat some sense into you.
Him, I dig. Beat me, Ouchy!

Some clowns are so fucked up, they're ready to do something wacky to cross the line. Even if it's a police line. Watch out. Kill them before they kill you. Except Ouchy, he's so dang sexy.

So now you are armed with knowledge, the most powerful weapon in your arsenal. Go forth and spread the word. And if you see a clown? Make eye contact with it, let it know you know. It will cower and submit as all animals do in the vicinity of an alpha. Unless of course it's one of the mean ones like these guys above, in which case I suggest you hoof it before they gut you like a pig.

What happens when you clone clowns.... Clown DNA is unstable and causes many genetic
regressions and mutations. Take it as fact!

Are you a clown? Did this piss you off? Well, don't get your oversized knickers in a wad. I'm here to tease. Next I'll go after cheerleaders and you'll be right there beside me, Bozo, don't deny it. Speaking of Bozo, he is the worst of the lot. Call him the Adam of the clown mythos, the one who began this cult of big shoes and red noses. Take a glimpse at his career and see how he used a pleasing fascade to promote a lecherous lifestyle of debauchery and world domination.

BOZO Life of Lies

Are you a wretched, loathsome soul, reading this at night by squalid candlelight in your government sponsored hovel, waiting for your next dole cheque? Then be a clown. Go here to find out how.
It's more than you deserve.
Get an IHateClowns email address... it's free. I've enjoyed mine for years. Play the fun Slap the Clown game while you're there. Very therapeutic.

We all float down here, Richie.