Part One of my Heroes to Inspire series....
MIKE ... THE HEADLESS CHICKEN
A long time ago, say, September 10th, 1945, in a farmyard far away, lived a chicken. Not any chicken, but a rooster named Mike, who when facing the overwhelming odds of having his head rent asunder from his body, was too brave (or perhaps too stupid) to die. This is his story.
Once upon a time, on a farm far far away in Fruita, Colorado a farmer named Lloyd Olsen decided he felt like a bit of finger lickin' chicken. so off he went to the barnyard to fetch on for just such gastronomical purposes. It was a dark day for Mike, who looked good enough to eat, it seems. Lloyd aimed his axe, gave him a whack and ended the short career of Mike. Or did he? 
 It seems that Mike was completely oblivious to his new state of non-headedness and continued about the yard, even pecking at things with his now non existent head. They decided to wait till the next day, so he could adjust to his new state of being head challenged and lie down to die, like a nice normal beheaded bird would do.
 Imagine their horror when it became very apparent that Mike was not going to comply, but stupidly go about his business, sans noggin. Let it not be said that Lloyd and his wife Clara  didn't know a good thing when they saw it. 
 They spread the word of their headless rooster and fed him through his exposed and open throat with an eye dropper to keep him supple and healthy. Occasionally his throat would fill with mucus, and since he could not swallow, the couple were kind enough to syphon it out with yet another eye dropper when they heard his distressed gurglings.
 Mike went to the University of Utah where it was decided that the axe had missed his brain stem and one ear, also fortunately missing his jugular vein and miraculously clotting to prevent him from bleeding to death. Mike was one damn determined boird.
 After the publicity, it was only natural to go into show business. And where do you take a beheaded befeathered fowl? To a freak show, of course! Mike joined a talent agent and toured the country with the Olsens, gaining many admirers (and quite a few anti animal cruelty detractors). People paid a mere two bits to gaze lovingly at his regal freakiness. It was said the poor dumb bird even continued to attempt to preen, much to the delight of thrill seekers everywhere.  Since his old head had been mysteriously lost (some say it still haunts the barn.... wait, no. That was a Scooby Doo episode), they just got another from one of the other poor chickens who happened to favour Mike in looks. Groody, huh?
 He had fan clubs and postcards and all sorts of fan (and hate) mail and the chicks dug him. You knew I had to say that somewhere. Noyhing could go afoul for brave Mike.
 Then, as it so often does, tragedy struck. After an 18 month career (much better than Martin Sheen) Mike began to choke on his own mucus in the hotel room that night after yet another whirl wind tour of local fairs, and the couple realized in horror they didn't have an eye dropper or syringe to suck the liquid out of his oesophagus. And they obviously didn't love him (or the money) enough to give him the kiss of life. Mike, the bravest rooster of all, had gone to the great KFC in the sky.
 So they stuffed him.

 The End.

But in May, the whole town gathers for a weekend of celebration, because apparently, they've little else to do.
Damn, I'm proud to live in these great States.

TESTIMONIALS
 
And, to show just how inspiring Mike's determination was.... here's a word from Sonic the Hedgehog villain, Scratch, an evil robotic rooster, explaining Mike's impact on his once humble barnyard/junkyard existence..... "Well. I realized that if Mike could live his whole life and never have to use his head, I could do it too. I can say positively for sure that I've yet to think about anything at all since I made the decision, and life has never been the same. I've had allot to crow about. Of course, I spend allot of time getting my ass kicked, but I figure that's just a chicken's lot. We're made to be plucked. Plus, I do have pretty good insurance being an evil minion, so it's not such a bad deal. Besides, when I retire, I can go into politics. Not thinking is a prerequisite, so I figure I'm over qualified as things stand. Can go I now? I need to get oiled. If I don't, my feathers tend to droop."
Preach it, Scratch. Squawk on.
 
Super Chicken is yet another bird no one wants to run afowl of (nyuk nyuk). With his multi-million dollar fortune and undaunting desire to do good, evil need not bother to peck at his door. Says Super Chicken, "Oh yes, Mike certainly was one of my chickhood heroes, without a doubt. His charm and savy opened the doorway to fame for him. But I felt his beheading was an injustice. An injustice I needed to address, which of course led me to crime fighting.  Nothing gets my feathers up like a dastardly villain getting away so I'm doing my part to be the dark stain on the underpants of evil. Eventually they will realize I can't be removed. I will conquere them all. As soon as I find Fred. I know he's hiding here somewhere. And I would like to denounce those who accuse me of having a substance abuse problem. My Super Sauce is just like drinking coffee in the morning. It helps wake me up. I can quit anytime."
Um. Yeh. How about a soundbite? Just cuz? Maybe two?

Mike Link! Much tastier than hot links and twice as filling!
The Official Mike the Headless Chicken Coop. What else do you need beyond this?  How about This IS True, which has more than just Mike facts to astonish and amaze you. It has ebola. That's something to be impressed with, missy, lemme tell ya.

BONUS! A poll tells us that Mike is MORE popular than President Clinton (who funny enough, ALSO has lived for years with no head!) Check it out!


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