I have nicer stuff than you do. 
Well, prob'ly not, but I *did* get your attention. I knew I'd raise your ire if I made a jib at your material worth and get a little gander from you. What I *do* have is a knowledge of the amazingly kitchsy. In the old days, people just said I was tacky, but now they've come up with labels for my quirks in 'decorating'! They call it Retro-Pop and Shabby Chic! Isn't that swell of them? I was tired of being trailer trash, particularly since I'd been raised in suburbia.... I have been gathering nifty (and some may say ugly or bizarre) items for years. I want you to see them, and by seeing what horrific taste I have, maybe you'll see the inner me. Or not.  I just think some things are too good to be mine alone. Share them with me. Just don't get any grubby fingerprints on my stuffes. It'll make hunting you down all the more simple.....
Amazing what a dollar will buy you, isn't it? She must be French, she has a beret...Oo lah lah!
Just think, at one time, this was the prize possession of someone who really didn't know better.
Yes, not only was he a fab president, Teddy makes quite the cologne container. And he still smells heavenly. 
A resin beetle with a gazing ball. Someone 
was *paid* to come up with that idea, y'know. 
Even monkeys know that fezzes are the absolute mark of distinction. 
What house is complete without a betta salt shaker? I ask you.
Gnomes. Worse than cockroaches. This one was humping the glassware. Brrrr...
 This pig was arrested because it was so damn obvious he was up to *something*. 
 Gladiators. The staple of a yaoi fan's toy collection. 
 When the world was innocent, cops wore jodhpurs. 
They could only afford to paint this woman's hands and chest flesh coloured.  Sad times, eh?
Porky, having lost his contract with Warner Bros. is forced to panhandle for food.
Lookit my cute old rubber cat.  Here's a kitty snookums, awwww.......
A faux plaster pig. Yes, in some countries, they cannot even afford slit.
Witch shakers. I like to use them to poison my guest's food. Can you come over for dinner?
DO *you* like a little stegosaurs with your salt? I do.
Yes, it's an Aunt Jemima. I think she's cute. Screw PC. 
I bought this for a dime at a garage sale, then found she was worth about $50. What sort of world do we live in that someone would give $50 for this stuff?
It is against the law to go to Idaho and not buy a ceramic potato.
Likewise, you cannot go to Kentucky and refuse purchase of antique duck souvenirs.
Of all my glass animals, Maynard T Quackers is by far the worst. Poor Maynard.
If I had money, I would decorate my home in a jolly Shriner motif. I would. You betcha.
Used to frighten small children into submission, the evil ceramic burlap lady is a throw back to old medieval Texas legend.
I pity the fool who has no Mr T thermos!
When I become Supreme Master of Time, Space and Dimension, it will be mandatory for every home to have at least one coconut monkey bank.
During the 70's almost all the ceramic animals took loads and loads of hallucinogenic drugs, keeping them placid and happy. Damn hippies.
Bendable pals. Easy to manipulate. Everyone needs 'em.
Mmm, mmm, I smell bacon cooking!
Someone took a long time to make this shaggy clay dog. The question is why.
Alligators apparently became all the rage, and when they waned in popularity, their owners flushed them into the sewage systems, where they ate toxic waste and became huge, stumbling behemoths.

 

Laters I'll show you my Buddha and Jesus collections. They are merely too beauteous for words, particularly my Buddha bank. Give him money, and he will give you karma.

Do you have something I need? Something so awful you simply *know* I'll adore it? Well, lumplings, send it to me! I wants it! I needs it! See this for details....


Everyone gets it in the end. This fellow deserved it. Play nice. ghud is watching.


ghud. Hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.
Either way, he's plotting against you as we speak.
Give up.

To be honest, this is just stuff I grabbed at random. I really have *much* uglier things as well. And some groovy things, like my collection of ghuds, my Indonesian folk art stuff and what-nots. But this is just a glimpse at me. I also have about 300 action figures (mostly from American/British superhero types, the Beatles, Bullwinkle, crap like that, buts lots of DB ones as well). Eventually I will stage a huge battle and post it on my page.  You will enjoy the carnage, I'm sure.

This is Mister Ugly Fish. He turned out to be a she (you see her egg sack floating there beside her? Caviar anyone?), after a midnight dissection quickly following her sudden death. A bloke named DeathFish and yours truly, going by the moniker of Lazervirgin at the time, sawed her open, poked about at her innards, then sewed her up using strands of my hair. See her unborn spawn? What if she'd given birth? The world would've been conquered by ugly fish than stuck their heads out of the water and yelled "murp, murp" at you. She did. When she was alive. Why did we do this? I can't say, we're weird people. And we pickled her, so here she is. Mister Ugly Fish. And now, the story has been told. I miss DeathFish. He stayed crunchy in milk. Mister Ugly Fish probably would not.

Fish bowl. Italian. Classy beyond words.
Click him and be transported away.
 

Look here to see whatta buck fiffy will buy yah.
$1.50